i will never forget you...

March 21 2005, 2340, the time when my beloved grandma left me... it was so sudden... before i left school that morning... she is still in my room helping me to pack up my stuff ... the moment i reach home, 2240, my mum tell me to go down to go down to the hospital with her, say she might couldnt make it...

this grandma of mine is the closest part of my family.... even more closer to me den my parents or sibling... since i was born i was look after by her... as my parents are both busy working... i remember the days she will bring me to the park near my block... fetch me to n back from the kindergarden... buy me the fishball from the fishball auntie outside my kindergarden... stop my parents from caning me when i was naughty, accompany me to wait school bus when i was in primary school n wait downstairs for me when the bus fetch me back... even till when i was in sec or even poly she will still come to my house often to help fold our clothes clear my stuff... when she saw my wallet was empty... she will always leave some money inside my wallet for me to spend... she know me best den my mother... my favourite food, who is my good friends... what i dislike...

she was always veri healthy n fit for her age ... 76... even though she was a heavy smoker... but falling down inside the toilet n hit her head cause her death... but the doctor say is because of heart attack whick i find it ridiculous as my family doctor say that her heart n health is completly fine n healthy... but i tink it might due to the fact tt she has to look after one of my little cousin... jus 9 years old... as mu aunt jus pass away barely 5 months ago... i was 1 out of 2 of her grandson tt she had take care of her life... after her death... i saw my father cry for the first tme... it breaks my heart even more... my father was a veri quiet person, hardly laugh or talk, but when he cry... i cant take it...for the nexct 2 days whenever i was alone or saw her photo i will cry to myself... like now when i was typing this my tears drop unknowingly... i try to find wadever of her stuff i had of her now... her cigarattes her coin purse her photos...as i am afraid when i grow up old i will forget my grandma... but i know i will never forget her...

everynight whenever i was at my grandma funeral... i was alone to myself... sometimes i hope my friends will be around me to have someone to talk too... although some say wan to come but i say nvm but deep inside i hope someone will be there for me to talk too... but i fidn it hard to jus say to them directly how i feel... actualli i am veri disappointed that my best friend of 10 yrs nv come althoughi he got send me a sms to encourage me... i tink blogging is the the other alternative to thrash out all my feelings n thoughts i have keep inside for this few days as i tink i cant take it anymore 8 months ago my other grandma pass away, 5 months ago my aunt, n now my grandma... hope i will feel better after this...

moody...

been in a pretty moody period recently...

i went to orchard today... to discuss some work n supposely find some costumes for some things but change plans due to budget problem... i went out wit dion n ken today... feel realli bad mood n temper easily flare up today due to some personal problems... nv realli tok much today... when they we was at hmv i wanted to go off den they say wan to listen some more songs so i jus say i go off first n leave... ken giv me a cal later but phone got cut off due to low batt... so i wait up again to find them again in case he mistaken i giving him an attitude problem or wad but couldn't find them when i go out i walk around the whole hmv n wait at the level 1 for a while... around 15 mins late i still cant find them so i decide to go home anyway./.. as i walk to the control alot of things went through my mind... things i hav realli tink of in the past... jus as i was goin to enter the control dion suddenly rush in front of my givin her veri easily excited look again ... first thing she say luckily we wait here for u sorry... but its nt their problem actualli.. cause nt in a good mood today anyway... den we decide to go cineleisure to eat... as we walk dion say if i nv appear jus now we will go down to yishun to find u with waffle icecream ... cause today i realli feel like waffle icecream dunno y but cant find... feel quite bad deep inside my heart actualli... hav such nice friends but treat them abuit like shit today... n after tt they actualli can take bus home which will be a faster n more convenient way for them... but i tink they wan to accompany me so they decide to take the train wit me together... nice friends i have...

works are piling up... although there are alot of other works like cp n 3d max which are goin to due veri soon... but i haven even start to even on the program to do any bit of work... inside my mind is jus the magazine program n short film... our mag prog is realli sucky cause i tink we nv prepare well as we r too rush... also they lighting problrm n nt enough content n interesting facts... my short film is realli bad... my audio... i cannot nt realli transmit my idea of wad i wan to my dop so i end up holding the camera myself for asome shots ... i am a realli bad person in transmitting my idea to words.. so normally during grp work if preferably i prefer to do most of the things y self... nt because i am a idividualistic or wan to prove i am hardworking or wad... my lighting problem ... my story end up veri super boring.. i knew i could do a thousand times better den tt...

aftwer knowing my coming grp of my sp n yr 3 fyp i am quite sad by tt too... this means most of the time u will be wit ur grp members n will not c ur other mates for a long time... like botak ken... faj... noisy hudha... alwyas chuckling chucky, rachael cheryl ling they all... my grp girls takes up the majority... but wad i most worried inside is.. cause i hav a some sort of dispute wit girl in my grp... so i dunno how are we goin to walk together... i am nt veri close wit the other guy in my gp 2... so i tinking if like i offended 1 of the girls den of course girls will alliase each other den will make me the bad person in the end... maybe i have been thinking too much but this type of things happen alot to me b4 so i am quite ... i always seem to be the bad guy in most quarrels so... hais...

today will hopefully be the last day of shoot... dion short film... 1 last scene... hope she wun be too adventurous today cause i am her dop... wish me good luck...

e yeah!

what the hell!!!!!!! finaqlly i finished my filming!!!! hor hor hor hor hor hor hohohohohohoho!!! all thanks to my fabulous crew who have to struggle with me under the chinatown hot sun which i estimate is hot enough to cook an egg, (ok half boiled egg) wow the sun was torturing, the location was torturing, the camera n its battery is even torturing but thanks hope everything came well when it come to editing, cant wait to meet up wit u all guys again but guess we have to wait until the end of week 15 to realli hav a wrap party...